My Chatterbox

You know that internal dialog you have with yourself? That is what I call my "Chatterbox". My chatterbox, is a very ugly, vile thing, that can be quite nasty and mean. Recently, through the Landmark Forum, I learned to control the chatterbox to a degree. When I am really focused and centered the chatterbox get's pushed way into the background. When the chatterbox tries to come back, I can usually push it away. When I am not focused, the chatterbox is around in varying degrees. Since my completion of the Forum in early December, I have been in control more or less of the little box.

Today, I lost my focus, and the chatterbox is in complete control, which is not a good feeling.

I am in a Landmark seminar, and the assignment was to be unreasonable at least once every day. For the first 7 days, I was unreasonable at least once a day. We all have our reasons why we can't do this or we can't do that. Those reasons are a byproduct of our little voice...the chatterbox. So, in essence the assignment was an exercise in getting control over the internal dialog.

Yesterday, I was not unreasonable, not intentionally anyway.

I made a commitment to do my homework assignments in this seminar. I broke that commitment, and therefore I have gone back on my word. This is where I began to loose my focus. Once I lost my center, the chatterbox took over, and it's beating me up with a vengeance. It almost seems as though it is making up for lost time. It is not a pretty space I am in, and it's not getting better.

I must find my center...