The Monkey In The Jungle

I was typing an e-mail to a friend describing my loss of center. As I was typing, a story about my chatterbox began to unfold. When all was said and done I had actually defined my chatterbox in a way I had never thought of before.

In the e-mail I began describing the racket in my head as a "900 pound gorilla on the loose" and that caused me to think. "If it's 900 pound gorilla when I loose my center what would it be when I was focused?" It dawned on me that it would be monkey. Then I began to think, "What kind of monkey?" As I sat there I began to visualize a chimpanzee and I thought "That can't be right" my chatterbox is a vile disgusting thing not a cute chimp, but the visual would not go away. Then I began to realize it was a chimp, but with the attitude of one of those small hyper/aggressive monkeys. Now it was beginning to make sense. It looks cute as a way to trick me into thinking it is harmless, but in reality it's the nasty abuser it has always been. Then I began to visualize the monkey loose in the jungle of my mind, and it all came together.

Living my life is like walking through a jungle never knowing what is fixing to happen, and my monkey is always with me. It use to be that the monkey would set on my shoulder and harass me constantly. Now that I have a degree of control over it, it follows me through the jungle. Sometimes it is real close, screaming at me, and other times it's distant still harassing me from afar. The funny thing is how tricky the little bastard is! I can hear him in the distance and then instantly he is popping out of the foilage in front of me, scaring the daylights out of me. I am not quite sure how I know its a male. Maybe I just figure that a female could never be that crude.

When I lost my center my little monkey became a gorilla in an instant. The racket inside my head was horrendous. After being in relative silence for over a month it was amazing to realize how loud the noise use to be. It was a very scary sensation, it literally petrified me. I could not think, nor could I take action. I was frozen in my tracks.

Once my sister shared the tool with me I needed, my gorilla instantly became the monkey again. I know my monkey will always be with me, and it will be a constant battle to keep him in perspective.

The monkey is loose in the jungle of my mind, and life is as it should be.